Tonight we spent the evening sitting at our local beach with a small group of folks from our church for a little bring your own supper-fellowship time. It was a good time for all!
It reminded me of how important the family meal time is. Most families are super busy, to say the least. I would encourage you, beg you even, to have at least one meal a day, as a family, with all members present together at the dinner table. We worked so hard to accomplish this. With dad's crazy works schedule, the sports seasons, overnighters, etc., we managed to do this almost every night. We made it a priority. The number one rule was: NO TELEVISION! Number two rule: NO PHONE CALLS! We had an answering machine. The caller could wait.
Around our table no subject was off limits. Which was very interesting for me, being the lone female. There were evenings that our sons would just stay and talk. We laughed a lot, had some serious discussions, and answered some awkward questions. The things that rarely happened were silence and the inhaling of food and a quick departure from the table. No one seemed too anxious to leave.
We had to adjust meal times to earlier or later depending on ball games etc, sometimes. Dad quite often worked long days during busy seasons and would come home and eat with us and then go back to work. If dinner seems impossible, then start breakfast early. I have a friend that got her family in the routine of eating breakfast at 6am just so they could have one meal a day together. There were lots of complaints in the beginning, but they eventually got used to it. What was important, was their commitment to see each other across the table. I think mayber her kids became young coffee drinkers just to wake up!
We have great memories of things shared. We get together with now our kids, their wives, and our grandkids as often as we are able. The grandkids like to hear stories about their dads. Plus, those are fun to tell. Hopefully, they are doing the same for their families.
Whatever the circumstances in your family, try your hardest to have a family meal together everyday. If that doesn't work, 3 times a week. Follow the two rules, NO TV and absolutely NO CELL PHONES!
Keep on lovin'
Madre
Monday, July 5, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Who Gets the Last Word
As tempting as it may be, trying to get the last word is a waste of time! Pre-teens/teens are a different type of person to deal with. Sometimes I wondered if they were even human. I had one who argued over everything and one child who was just quiet and sullen. A child with an in between temperment would have been desirable, but that is not how it worked.
Trying to get something out of a child who doesn't want to talk is just about impossible. I found that the best way was to catch him after school. Give him something to eat and sit down and have a chat right then and there. Mini chats were the only way to get info out of that kid. He's a 27 year old family man now. He is still a fairly quiet guy. But, I think I get him. No worries there!
Then there is the arguing child. Uggg! This is where the battle of the last word would take place. When I finally realized that I wouldn't win that battle, I just walked away. He would keep on talking, but I wasn't listening. No point in giving in to that type of exchange. It would lead to frustration and anger. I just refused to play his game.
What I found were moments in the car, dinner time, and mini conversations to convey what needed to be conveyed to the akward teen.
One goal was to eat dinner at the dining table, no television on or even in the room, all together. We had one rule. There were no off limit topics. The kids could bring up anything. Yes, it could be uncomfortable at times, but mostly we had great conversations and cleared up lots of topics.
My kids are great! We had good times and bad times. But mostly we got through those tough teen years in one piece. We have some fond memories as a family. I hope that they learned how to treat their kids during that akward period of life. They'll have a bit more to figure out because they have girls.
Enjoy those kids!
Trying to get something out of a child who doesn't want to talk is just about impossible. I found that the best way was to catch him after school. Give him something to eat and sit down and have a chat right then and there. Mini chats were the only way to get info out of that kid. He's a 27 year old family man now. He is still a fairly quiet guy. But, I think I get him. No worries there!
Then there is the arguing child. Uggg! This is where the battle of the last word would take place. When I finally realized that I wouldn't win that battle, I just walked away. He would keep on talking, but I wasn't listening. No point in giving in to that type of exchange. It would lead to frustration and anger. I just refused to play his game.
What I found were moments in the car, dinner time, and mini conversations to convey what needed to be conveyed to the akward teen.
One goal was to eat dinner at the dining table, no television on or even in the room, all together. We had one rule. There were no off limit topics. The kids could bring up anything. Yes, it could be uncomfortable at times, but mostly we had great conversations and cleared up lots of topics.
My kids are great! We had good times and bad times. But mostly we got through those tough teen years in one piece. We have some fond memories as a family. I hope that they learned how to treat their kids during that akward period of life. They'll have a bit more to figure out because they have girls.
Enjoy those kids!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)