I had the opportunity to take my granddaughter shopping for some new school shoes today. In my mind this year is a big deal. She starts kindergarten. I'm losing my little buddy to 5 days a week of school. Good for her! Poor old Nanie! Ok, woe is me time is over.
I had forgotten how painful shopping for school clothes with kids really is. Why does a 5 year old have such strong opinions about what would work for school/play? I have noticed how many fairly young children make their own choices about how they dress. Ok, at the age of 10 or maybe even 8 that seems fine; as long as they have been taught a few things. But, 3, 4, 5 and so on, I don't think so.
I believe in allowing children to make a choice. Parents, select two appropriate outfits, and give them a choice. If they don't like their choice, so be it, those are their choices. There doesn't have to be any fighting about this. If whining and crying begin, all you need to say is these are your choices. Stand your ground! Let them bully you into having their way at that young age and you have set yourself to be bullied until they leave home. Who is the parent anyway?
This tact worked well with my children. The older they got the more freedom they earned to make those choices. We always tried to teach about what was appropriate for different occasions. Our biggest battle with one son was that darned hat. A staple in his wardrobe even today. But, he knew when he should take it off. He could always put it back on later. We went through long hair, green hair, bowl cut, mullet with those two guys. Afterall, as teenagers, it was an expression of themselves. They were pretty good kids, so what if their hair was long or green. Yes, we did cringe and ask why. But, they have grown into wonderful men, sons, husbands, and dads. My making their clothing choices for them from birth until 8 years or so didn't ruin them as people.
So, stand firm and keep on lovin'!
Madre
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
The Family Dinner Table
Tonight we spent the evening sitting at our local beach with a small group of folks from our church for a little bring your own supper-fellowship time. It was a good time for all!
It reminded me of how important the family meal time is. Most families are super busy, to say the least. I would encourage you, beg you even, to have at least one meal a day, as a family, with all members present together at the dinner table. We worked so hard to accomplish this. With dad's crazy works schedule, the sports seasons, overnighters, etc., we managed to do this almost every night. We made it a priority. The number one rule was: NO TELEVISION! Number two rule: NO PHONE CALLS! We had an answering machine. The caller could wait.
Around our table no subject was off limits. Which was very interesting for me, being the lone female. There were evenings that our sons would just stay and talk. We laughed a lot, had some serious discussions, and answered some awkward questions. The things that rarely happened were silence and the inhaling of food and a quick departure from the table. No one seemed too anxious to leave.
We had to adjust meal times to earlier or later depending on ball games etc, sometimes. Dad quite often worked long days during busy seasons and would come home and eat with us and then go back to work. If dinner seems impossible, then start breakfast early. I have a friend that got her family in the routine of eating breakfast at 6am just so they could have one meal a day together. There were lots of complaints in the beginning, but they eventually got used to it. What was important, was their commitment to see each other across the table. I think mayber her kids became young coffee drinkers just to wake up!
We have great memories of things shared. We get together with now our kids, their wives, and our grandkids as often as we are able. The grandkids like to hear stories about their dads. Plus, those are fun to tell. Hopefully, they are doing the same for their families.
Whatever the circumstances in your family, try your hardest to have a family meal together everyday. If that doesn't work, 3 times a week. Follow the two rules, NO TV and absolutely NO CELL PHONES!
Keep on lovin'
Madre
It reminded me of how important the family meal time is. Most families are super busy, to say the least. I would encourage you, beg you even, to have at least one meal a day, as a family, with all members present together at the dinner table. We worked so hard to accomplish this. With dad's crazy works schedule, the sports seasons, overnighters, etc., we managed to do this almost every night. We made it a priority. The number one rule was: NO TELEVISION! Number two rule: NO PHONE CALLS! We had an answering machine. The caller could wait.
Around our table no subject was off limits. Which was very interesting for me, being the lone female. There were evenings that our sons would just stay and talk. We laughed a lot, had some serious discussions, and answered some awkward questions. The things that rarely happened were silence and the inhaling of food and a quick departure from the table. No one seemed too anxious to leave.
We had to adjust meal times to earlier or later depending on ball games etc, sometimes. Dad quite often worked long days during busy seasons and would come home and eat with us and then go back to work. If dinner seems impossible, then start breakfast early. I have a friend that got her family in the routine of eating breakfast at 6am just so they could have one meal a day together. There were lots of complaints in the beginning, but they eventually got used to it. What was important, was their commitment to see each other across the table. I think mayber her kids became young coffee drinkers just to wake up!
We have great memories of things shared. We get together with now our kids, their wives, and our grandkids as often as we are able. The grandkids like to hear stories about their dads. Plus, those are fun to tell. Hopefully, they are doing the same for their families.
Whatever the circumstances in your family, try your hardest to have a family meal together everyday. If that doesn't work, 3 times a week. Follow the two rules, NO TV and absolutely NO CELL PHONES!
Keep on lovin'
Madre
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Who Gets the Last Word
As tempting as it may be, trying to get the last word is a waste of time! Pre-teens/teens are a different type of person to deal with. Sometimes I wondered if they were even human. I had one who argued over everything and one child who was just quiet and sullen. A child with an in between temperment would have been desirable, but that is not how it worked.
Trying to get something out of a child who doesn't want to talk is just about impossible. I found that the best way was to catch him after school. Give him something to eat and sit down and have a chat right then and there. Mini chats were the only way to get info out of that kid. He's a 27 year old family man now. He is still a fairly quiet guy. But, I think I get him. No worries there!
Then there is the arguing child. Uggg! This is where the battle of the last word would take place. When I finally realized that I wouldn't win that battle, I just walked away. He would keep on talking, but I wasn't listening. No point in giving in to that type of exchange. It would lead to frustration and anger. I just refused to play his game.
What I found were moments in the car, dinner time, and mini conversations to convey what needed to be conveyed to the akward teen.
One goal was to eat dinner at the dining table, no television on or even in the room, all together. We had one rule. There were no off limit topics. The kids could bring up anything. Yes, it could be uncomfortable at times, but mostly we had great conversations and cleared up lots of topics.
My kids are great! We had good times and bad times. But mostly we got through those tough teen years in one piece. We have some fond memories as a family. I hope that they learned how to treat their kids during that akward period of life. They'll have a bit more to figure out because they have girls.
Enjoy those kids!
Trying to get something out of a child who doesn't want to talk is just about impossible. I found that the best way was to catch him after school. Give him something to eat and sit down and have a chat right then and there. Mini chats were the only way to get info out of that kid. He's a 27 year old family man now. He is still a fairly quiet guy. But, I think I get him. No worries there!
Then there is the arguing child. Uggg! This is where the battle of the last word would take place. When I finally realized that I wouldn't win that battle, I just walked away. He would keep on talking, but I wasn't listening. No point in giving in to that type of exchange. It would lead to frustration and anger. I just refused to play his game.
What I found were moments in the car, dinner time, and mini conversations to convey what needed to be conveyed to the akward teen.
One goal was to eat dinner at the dining table, no television on or even in the room, all together. We had one rule. There were no off limit topics. The kids could bring up anything. Yes, it could be uncomfortable at times, but mostly we had great conversations and cleared up lots of topics.
My kids are great! We had good times and bad times. But mostly we got through those tough teen years in one piece. We have some fond memories as a family. I hope that they learned how to treat their kids during that akward period of life. They'll have a bit more to figure out because they have girls.
Enjoy those kids!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Best Thing for Your Kids Part 2
I was talking about finding your joy. Once you realize your joy, then you'll need to do your children a favor. That would be to take time to nurture your marriage. If you are a responsible owner of a car, you take it in for proper maintenance. You keep it clean, get the oil changed, do the 30,000 mile check. You get the drift. Why wouldn't you do the same maintenance with your marriage?
When you have children it is too easy to get caught up in them and forget about each other. Fatigue usually takes over and then there is no time for each other. Hire a babysitter, ask the grandparents, or trade child care with friends, but get out together without those kids. Forget the movie date. Go to dinner. A nice place that doesn't make you rush so you can talk, talk, and talk some more. The baby will be ok. The kids will survive. They will leave home one day and you will want to make sure you have invested the time in each other so that nothing has been lost in your relationship.
At least one weekend a year needs to be devoted to the two of you and NO KIDS. Call it the marriage tune up. Your children will thank you for it and get used to it. Our boys used to ask us when we were going on our next date. I explained to them that Mommy and Daddy love each other and that one day they would leave home and it would be just Mommy and Daddy alone again. It was important for them to know that we would always love each other, like each other. We were setting an example for our children.
We have been married for 35 years. Our children are 30 and 27. We have such a great time together now, it is like it was before we had children. That didn't come without work. We made time for each other every week. If an evening date didn't work, then it was a breakfast date or lunch date. NO KIDS!
We gave our kids almost all of our time. What was left we gave to each other. It was worth every minute.
When you have children it is too easy to get caught up in them and forget about each other. Fatigue usually takes over and then there is no time for each other. Hire a babysitter, ask the grandparents, or trade child care with friends, but get out together without those kids. Forget the movie date. Go to dinner. A nice place that doesn't make you rush so you can talk, talk, and talk some more. The baby will be ok. The kids will survive. They will leave home one day and you will want to make sure you have invested the time in each other so that nothing has been lost in your relationship.
At least one weekend a year needs to be devoted to the two of you and NO KIDS. Call it the marriage tune up. Your children will thank you for it and get used to it. Our boys used to ask us when we were going on our next date. I explained to them that Mommy and Daddy love each other and that one day they would leave home and it would be just Mommy and Daddy alone again. It was important for them to know that we would always love each other, like each other. We were setting an example for our children.
We have been married for 35 years. Our children are 30 and 27. We have such a great time together now, it is like it was before we had children. That didn't come without work. We made time for each other every week. If an evening date didn't work, then it was a breakfast date or lunch date. NO KIDS!
We gave our kids almost all of our time. What was left we gave to each other. It was worth every minute.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Best thing for your kids!
I'm online chatting with a friend who says the joy has been sucked out of her life...makes me think about the joy in my life and where it comes from. I have to say without a doubt it is Him. Yes, God!
My best friend, my lover, my companion, my husband of 35 years brings me happiness most of the time. But, to put my joy and happiness on his shoulders is wrong. He will fail me. Just as I would fail him. Happiness and sadness are temporary emotions. The burden of trying to make others happy is too big for anyone. When we married we said for better or worse. Not ok, I'll change to make you happy. That doesn't work!
In a nutshell...work on it. Take time to find your joy in God. Take to time to be joyful together.
How? More later.
My best friend, my lover, my companion, my husband of 35 years brings me happiness most of the time. But, to put my joy and happiness on his shoulders is wrong. He will fail me. Just as I would fail him. Happiness and sadness are temporary emotions. The burden of trying to make others happy is too big for anyone. When we married we said for better or worse. Not ok, I'll change to make you happy. That doesn't work!
In a nutshell...work on it. Take time to find your joy in God. Take to time to be joyful together.
How? More later.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Summer is here!
What to do with those kids? Here is what you don't do...don't over-plan their summer. Play, play, play, let them play. Play with them. Play as a family. Swim lessons yes! Every camp that is out there, no! Kids are so overbooked during the school year these days, it is crazy. Are people raising children that are stressed, rushed, and over tired? I hear all the activities that parents involve their children in, even during their preschool years and it makes me cringe. When do they get to play at home? When do they get to go in their backyard and play make believe? Why do they have to have every minute of their lives scheduled? That comes all too soon.
When our children were young we'd swim, we would read, we would just hang out. Their time was limited on their Nintendo. My favorite times were when we'd all be floating around in our pool for a few hours most every afternoon.
My point is give your kids a break. They need it, they want it. Don't ask them if they'd like a break from activity they don't know that they need it. Just spend time together playing, laughing and loving each other. In a blink of an eye, they will be adults and you will be wondering where the time went.
When our children were young we'd swim, we would read, we would just hang out. Their time was limited on their Nintendo. My favorite times were when we'd all be floating around in our pool for a few hours most every afternoon.
My point is give your kids a break. They need it, they want it. Don't ask them if they'd like a break from activity they don't know that they need it. Just spend time together playing, laughing and loving each other. In a blink of an eye, they will be adults and you will be wondering where the time went.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Giving in
This is a very misleading title. I could mean giving in to the kids, giving in to a great purchase, or giving in to just about anything. What I really mean is, giving in to being ill. I remember trying deal with the family, especially the boys when I had a cold or the flu etc. Not fun! Little ones didn't get it. If I got up showered and dressed, then the hubby didn't think I was that sick. So one thing I learned is if I am feeling really bad, quit trying to manage as usual and "give in" to being sick.
Stay in your jammies and don't get out of bed. Dad will figure out that he is going to have to stay home and deal with the kids. Yesterday was day #2 of a really nasty cold. I had gone to bed pretty early the night before. Yesteday morning I just didn't wake up with the alarm. When I finally did awaken, my hubby had already texted the boss to say that I was too sick to go to work. I literally stayed in bed all day. I slept most of the day. Today I feel great! Although there are no children at home any more, I did to do this when they were home.
The point is, whether you think this is possible or not, NO ONE in the house will think you feel that bad if you get up and do as you always do. Then at the end of the day and you feel like you are dieing your only thought is, "How am I going to do this tomorrow?"
Stay in bed. Let them take care of you. When you feel too sick to get up, don't! You will feel better so much sooner and everyone will be happier for it!
Stay in your jammies and don't get out of bed. Dad will figure out that he is going to have to stay home and deal with the kids. Yesterday was day #2 of a really nasty cold. I had gone to bed pretty early the night before. Yesteday morning I just didn't wake up with the alarm. When I finally did awaken, my hubby had already texted the boss to say that I was too sick to go to work. I literally stayed in bed all day. I slept most of the day. Today I feel great! Although there are no children at home any more, I did to do this when they were home.
The point is, whether you think this is possible or not, NO ONE in the house will think you feel that bad if you get up and do as you always do. Then at the end of the day and you feel like you are dieing your only thought is, "How am I going to do this tomorrow?"
Stay in bed. Let them take care of you. When you feel too sick to get up, don't! You will feel better so much sooner and everyone will be happier for it!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Mother of Sons
Who am I and why do I write a blog.
I am a Christian woman. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a wife. I am a friend. I am a mother of two sons. I am a grandmother of three granddaughters. I've been married to the love of my life for almost 35 years. I'm an athlete. I'm a knitter. I'm a Sunday school teacher to first graders.
I've raised two sons. They are now 30 and 27 year old men. I am proud of them and the kind of men they have become. Their dad and I can take credit for creating and giving birth to them. So much of who they become is predestined. They were a gift from God. My husband and I were a unified team. Never contradicting each other in discipline or anything else in front of our sons. We were firm and yet loving! We turned much of what we did over to God. Are they perfect, no. Were there trials, yes. I'm here to tell you, we survived! They brought lots of joy to our lives and still do.
My blog is just a place to share what I know and what worked in raising these two guys. I may also tell you what didn't work. Perhaps you can learn something from me. Or maybe, just get a laugh from something that we experienced.
So, here is blog #1. Wish me luck. I hope you enjoy!
I am a Christian woman. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a wife. I am a friend. I am a mother of two sons. I am a grandmother of three granddaughters. I've been married to the love of my life for almost 35 years. I'm an athlete. I'm a knitter. I'm a Sunday school teacher to first graders.
I've raised two sons. They are now 30 and 27 year old men. I am proud of them and the kind of men they have become. Their dad and I can take credit for creating and giving birth to them. So much of who they become is predestined. They were a gift from God. My husband and I were a unified team. Never contradicting each other in discipline or anything else in front of our sons. We were firm and yet loving! We turned much of what we did over to God. Are they perfect, no. Were there trials, yes. I'm here to tell you, we survived! They brought lots of joy to our lives and still do.
My blog is just a place to share what I know and what worked in raising these two guys. I may also tell you what didn't work. Perhaps you can learn something from me. Or maybe, just get a laugh from something that we experienced.
So, here is blog #1. Wish me luck. I hope you enjoy!
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